OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
