Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize