Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
