literally had 100 drinks last night.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
