I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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