She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
