i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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