just tell him i said nine months
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
