so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
