The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
