Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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