I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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