Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
