too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
