Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
