so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize