I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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