I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
