nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
