Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.

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(785): View more from Kansas

My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?

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(678): View more from Georgia

Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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(310): View more from California

He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday

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(360): View more from Washington

I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously

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(719): View more from Colorado

Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?

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