Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
