when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
