why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
