I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
