thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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