My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
