Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
