That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
