Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
