The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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