When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
