just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
