can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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