He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
