oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
