the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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