Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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