So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
