Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
