You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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