pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
