I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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