the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish there were birth control emojis
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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