just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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