That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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