I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
