New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
