ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
