i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
