I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
