I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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