Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
