It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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