where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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