i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
