I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
