Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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