So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
