i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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