lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How's work?
Spinning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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