How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
