I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
