I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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