She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
