Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
