I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize