please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
