Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
