just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
