Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
