I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
