So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
