I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
