I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
