a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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