Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
