The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize