I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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