we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
