Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
