Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
