I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
