After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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