I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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