I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
as a side note pls kill me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
