you turned your livingroom into a bong?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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