Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
