I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
