my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
