rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
