Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
