Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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