Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
