Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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