the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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