maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
