ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize