I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
