I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize