you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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